Having a baby is a very special moment in many peoples’ lives. A new life is entrusted to the care and tutelage of two people. But sometimes these two people disagree on what steps to take. Will they spank the child, will they place an emphasis on school or sports, and to what extent will they involve the child’s extended family? These are all questions that both parents are usually expected to weigh in on. Actually, both parents are expected to weigh in on and take part in almost all aspects of the child’s life; friends, diet, curfews, consequences, colleges and so forth. So when one parent fails to participate, they are often labeled negatively. Fathers especially, are labeled as deadbeats, when they fail to take a part in the decisions and responsibilities that affect a child’s life.

But what happens when the question isn’t how to raise a child, but whether there will be a child at all?

In every other instance a man is expected to play a part in their child’s life, but the most important, and possibly the only decision, concerning a child is often seen as being under the exclusive jurisdiction of women. Women are given the opportunity to obligate a man to a lifetime of support under threat of being labeled a deadbeat, loser, or jerk. They may force men through legal procedures to pay child support, or even serve jail time. Meanwhile men have absolutely NO say in the matter. If the woman decides not to have the baby, some men are relieved, while many are devastated. There is a raging debate over the point at which a life begins.

What happens if a couple disagrees?

To a woman, it may be a question of terminating a thing inside of her. To a man, it may be a question of terminating the life of his son. The United States Supreme Court declared in Caban v. Mohammed that a child could not be adopted if any one of the biological parents objected. The courts have also decided that the in cases where the life of a child is in question, the consent of both parents is necessary for doctors to discontinue life support (Canter, Joanna M. (2005). Nonjudicial Alternatives for Resolving End-of-Life Decisions for Minors. Family court Review 43 (3), 527-53). So then, why is it that even though we are unsure as to when a life begins, men are completely shut out of the decision making process?

Once two people consent to have sex, they are both responsible for the possible life that may result. Some women argue, and rightly so, that a man may leave and abandon the woman to raise a child by themselves. They assert that they do not want to raise their child in a disadvantaged, single household. But our courts, at least to some extent, recognize this and prosecute men who fail to pay child support. Of course child support in no way produces a father, but the law is trying to engender such an outcome. However, if a woman aborts a baby, there is no legal recourse for a man. This is not to suggest some sort of reverse sexism as some claim, for we cannot replicate the abusive history of oppression that women have had to face. However it is plainly unfair. A woman can drastically change the life of a man depending on her decision. Whereas a man simply has to abide by the decision of the woman whether or not he agrees, he thinks it’s a life, or he wants to be a father. If both were willing participants in the act that created the child, both should have some say so its termination or life.

Men should have some role in deciding whether or not to have an abortion. Many conservatives disagree with abortion but then also disagree with providing greater welfare and services for pregnant mothers and their children. This is an indefensible stance. If one really cared about unborn children, they would also care about them and their mothers when they are born. Those against abortion who care so much about the life of a child, must logically also support policies that are pro-mother, pro-child, and pro-family after the child is born. As a society we have to try and help families who have unexpected pregnancies, single mothers, newborns, and fathers. We have to support children in order for them to grow up happy and healthy. We have to provide them with a level of opportunity that will enable them to achieve their goals in life.

There are no concrete policy recommendations. Our society recognizes a man’s role in the life of his child in all other areas, and in many cases demands a man’s participation. It is odd that in the case of abortion, men have absolutely no influence.